Exploring Colour/Expression as colour/Colour as Freedom.....31.12.18
there is no such thing as true colour. Only an interpretation of a thing which gives us a feeling. this is true: interpretation. Reaction to the subject of the eye. We get a feeling. To say that this feeling is the same as anothers' is a contradiction. This feeling is wholly unique though it may have similarities to the feeler, to the individual. The feeling can have a limit or it can be the beginning of something. The colour triggers the feeling, takes the step in a journey, the individual seeks. To say this colour is true.....i just want to convey the colour as a vehicle to produce a reaction though i will never know what the reaction is. But i put it out there. Knowing one thing is opening up an infinity of things related to that thing. Everything is nothing because we cannot fathom it. An infinity of a limit discovers myself, and i am much happier exploring that. My limits though infinite relate. This conveys me. An infinity of possibilities of which i will know nothing but this is everything to me. So what is colour? Infinity in a brushstroke, an eye of reflection, a form of an illusion, the beginning of a person, the end of nothing, a life of living. The colour gives this to the viewer: he becomes as he views it.
In many respects the colour changes, the interpretation moves, as the colour does it's work. It has meaning in it's suggesting, at it's hinting and the colour of the personality comes forth. Colour as conveyed meaning as internal understanding as ideas of suggesting. suggesting of what? Of the moment in which we decide. We do not need Art and specifically painting to portray form in order to convey the above, colour does this on it's own. So how does one explore colour? by feeling it and by conveying the emotional intention within it. Expression as colour exists as an idea of feeling, of feeling another and reacting to that. We exist under a colour of interpretation: infinitely limitless but similar enough to recognise the colours we become. Become a colour of freedom!
Monday, 31 December 2018
Saturday, 22 December 2018
Tuesday, 4 December 2018
Sunday, 2 December 2018
Saturday, 1 December 2018
Friday, 30 November 2018
Manufactured Identity. 30.11.18
A person is
a Manufactured idea of what a person is, not at a benefit of the person but of
a benefit to the person who makes money from it. Identity is not human when it
is manufactured by the Machine. It is not of a benefit to you it is a benefit to
the money. Not human, “a thing”. Not what is best for you, what is best for a “buck”.
You are being used and misled. Do you subscribe? Or do you revolt? If you are a
manufactured idea of what a person should be, does that make you real? You are
being exploited. And this exploitation has been normalised. Capitalism is out
of control; you are being sold a model of what a person is. And this goes
against everything that a person really is: Unique. Human. You. Imagine a place
where a person, like you, is created. Run off a production line. Individuality
is something we can buy. This type of label, this type of man, this type of
woman. I feel sad for those who identify with the Machine fed “individuality”
(registered trade mark) in today’s society ,who are that man in the advert (as
if individuality is something which can be bought, It has to be achieved people(as
you know)). The manufactured, profit driven idea of what a man is, is in actual
fact me. You see? As if that model is what makes one unique or true or me. Do
we need someone to tell us? ( I won’t get into self-discovery at the moment). When
in actual fact they are straight from the production line, straight is the new grey, they control humanity this way.
Can you see the danger? Where do we go
as a race, as a species, as individuals? Where what is acceptable is forged,
and forged it is: we are allowing money to shape our human nature, how we
interact, how we see others, when it should be the other way around. And the lie is getting out of control. Have
you noticed? We are allowing what it is
to be human to be fed to us, it is branded and profit driven. Destroying individuality
with the pronunciation of a label, which is supposed catogorise who I am? I am
transformed from “who I am” to “what I am”. This creates a false sense of who
we are and it divides us. Creating categories which oppose and mentally
objectifying a person as a type. Take religion for example. It states what I am and we conform to the ideals
which seem shinier, more attractive. I am a man and I must act this way because
this fabrication of a man in an advert has a six pack and gets the girl or is
attractive. Lame metaphor, I know, but I can never be this “thing” in reality. Here’s
a shinier truth: My constant striving to
be this ideal leads to dissatisfaction. A new ideal will come out in an advert
and if I just spend this I will become closer to achieving my production line
ideal of this person type. In reality, conveniently
packaged Robots of the Machine, We people are told what a person is instead of
discovering what one truly is, instead
of finding out who we are, we are being turned away from relationships toward
materialism. We are chasing empty financially driven ideals which set out our perimeters
of existence, never achievable operations of exploitation, not free self-discovery;
We sign away our individuality with a cheque . We are being played Brothers and
Sisters, and we don’t get to choose the game, rules, or location. Let alone
when to play it. Where do we fit? We need to make this process easier. Just Do
It. J
Thursday, 29 November 2018
Dissatisfied with the Machine? 29/11/18
The truth is you'll never be satisfied with life if you buy what they
sell. Filling you full of empty promises "if you buy this....” Where can
we find satisfaction in our time? From a shop? Look deeper; try not to take the
bait. I went to a lecture recently... where an idea of another future was
envisaged. Do you find yourself dissatisfied with the machine? What really
makes you happy? What is it that gives you satisfaction? Do you need that
aftershave? We really need some change, one which caters for the Being we are, not about making profit from us, conning us by exploiting
our basic human needs. What kind of future is this? One in which we are united
against the machine, expressing our dissatisfaction, where we care about our
own well-being over what type of trainers we wear. Be part of the change. Look
outside the box, promote your well-being and satisfy your human soul. Care not
about labels and remain free out with the confines created by the machine. i
walk with you Brothers and Sisters. Through the night into a new dawn I
promise there is a better way. One where we are catered for, nurtured, loved
for who we are not “what we are”. Where my factory made insecurities are not
exploited for financial gain, where people are people and not a means to making
profit. I want to exist where my very Being is not seen as a way of making
money, where my human soul is not targeted, filling me with false ideals to
make me a consumer, an activity from which, essentially I will never get to
know my real self. This is the danger, where we are fed so much shit that we don’t
know who the fuck we really are. Where worshiping false Gods creates an inhuman
race of selfish emptiness. Dissatisfied with the machine? Yes I fucking am! Ever
watch a programme of a love story? You are being fed “This is what love is”.
And if you don’t conform to that version of Love, then you are not “in Love”.
Apply that to everything you see on TV. You will see that you are being spoon
fed an identity, your identity, which is not your own. It is created by a guy
who wants to make money. You are no longer you, the natural you you are. You are false ideals, false
identity, false view of the world, no longer aware of who we really are, and of
what matters to humans. This is out of control. Money led exploitation. And it’s
not good for the human race. Don’t be who they tell you to be. Look inside and
join me on the plateau. Looking into the sun cast shadow of yesterday. Hope for
change no longer. BE THE CHANGE
Wednesday, 28 November 2018
Tuesday, 27 November 2018
Monday, 26 November 2018
Saturday, 24 November 2018
John Lennon and Yoko Ono: Imagine (a documentary) 24/11/18
Sexuality is created by the machine, basically, that's how they hook you, and form a version of you they can make money from. everything you know is a fabrication, conceived by a guy in a suit. this makes us distract from the being we naturally are. and leads to gender roles that are untrue and unfair. just saying. Sexuality is the greatest myth of our time
Sexuality is created by the machine, basically, that's how they hook you, and form a version of you they can make money from. everything you know is a fabrication, conceived by a guy in a suit. this makes us distract from the being we naturally are. and leads to gender roles that are untrue and unfair. just saying. Sexuality is the greatest myth of our time
Thursday, 22 November 2018
Monday, 19 November 2018
Sunday, 18 November 2018
Friday, 19 October 2018
The Physical Dream…….17/10/18
The imagination has meaning because it refers to the
physical. The physical takes on a symbolic meaning, coloured by our feeling or
desire at the point. The physical dream is real. Interpretation a symbolic
shaping of desire. We create because we are creative. The physical mental
connection is constructed. It is constructed because we create physical
representations of the mental. This is because it is necessary for us to
survive, part of human nature. As we create tools we create the man as a
functioning tool of innovation, functioning in society. Man is necessary
because he has a role. How will he cope in a world of new technology, where the
traditional roles of tools are changing? We need a new creation of man in which
the tool is no longer connected to the physical, in a sense we know of now, but
which is inwardly aware. But how will this be without reference to the
external? We are still tied to the physical. Limiting yet liberating. We create
a function for ourselves…… Conveyed a
thing. Of things, known to things.
Wednesday, 17 October 2018
Monday, 15 October 2018
Saturday, 13 October 2018
Defining Light……14/10/18
When I talk to you...Is it you I feel? Or is it
myself? This distinction is at the heart of our beliefs. The world is
either an idea of it or it is the idea itself. Confused? What is the form of
confusion? Is it an external object or is it merely a reference to a feeling?
Further study may be needed in order for us to establish a resolution for this
problem. Though many of the greatest minds have struggled with it. Grasping at
terms like "logic" or "metaphysic". The exploration of
which has rendered no specific answers. But merely illuminated an area of
thought. Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Does it matter? Helpful......If i had
not read what i have read would i be a lesser person? I leave that to your feeling.
Analogy, poetry, Art and other musings are light to your imagination.
Let there be light, Brother. Define that as you will.
The distinction remains…..What am I ?
I am The Boo
This rendering is insufficient. But it is all I have got. I feel like a
very small wave in a very large pond. My thoughts being limited. As I try to
grasp with concepts beyond my abilities. What is this word “I”. Is it limiting
to introduce the term “I”. For what is it I refer to when I type it? The eye
can only see little but it can assert a point of view. And one does not need
complexity to do so. As long as it is done honestly, my words will have
meaning. But meaning to whom? And what form will that meaning take? What will
be real? It is real or my thoughts are real with no real reference to the
external. I circle in my mind. Around the concept proposed above. Is it sufficient
to communicate my difficulty? Is it necessary to know or make it a difficulty?
Should I just “get on with it”. Will musing help my situation? Will it help
yours? Do I care? If I did not I would not write this down……..Is reality always
a struggle? Whatever The Fuck reality is……This is either for you or it is for
me. Where does the distinction blur? This is the true question. And answering
it will take more than a few minutes on a laptop.
Thursday, 11 October 2018
Wednesday, 10 October 2018
Tuesday, 9 October 2018
Monday, 8 October 2018
Friday, 5 October 2018
Wednesday, 3 October 2018
Sunday, 30 September 2018
Friday, 28 September 2018
Thursday, 27 September 2018
Thursday, 20 September 2018
Wednesday, 5 September 2018
Kara and I…….5/9/18
She shines. She doesn’t
know it. She walks and people pay attention. She moves and eyes follow. She
glides and colours talk. She is because she exudes. She smiles at me. I don’t
love her conventionally because she is not conventional. She lives and never dies.
This she is and yet will never know. I become knowing her - and never knowing
her, i want to know more.
In The Shoe
Shop…..29/8/18
Freedom
comes in many forms, never two quite the same. But all relevant, all valid. The
shoes we choose, walking the road of life. I try not to be judgmental, I try
not to judge. But it is in my nature to do so. I try to be open minded, but
some things do not suit me. There are some shoes that do not suit my
personality, and accepting this is wisdom. (See: Get You)
Friday, 31 August 2018
Monday, 27 August 2018
Alluded to in Process…….27/8/18
Buy into the illusion,
it's the only way anything means anything. Once you do that you can pick and
choose your Truths. Walk well my Brothers. I am ill in you sweet. Not a
negative but a positive way to say i am real for you if you will allow me to
be. We meet at the head and part in direction. Buy into that illusion.
Sunday, 26 August 2018
Saturday, 25 August 2018
23/8/18
My voice is returning……Slowly, like a drip. Nourishing and
feeding, relaxing and coming. I breathe again. And it is I, I weep. A smile
becomes my face as I remember: I’m coming home. The foreign land is behind me,
I hope. The assault is over. And my life can go on. ? .
I want to perpetuate and trust my inner feeling…..Can this
be done? Am I still effected? Will I return? I feel unsure, uncertain, afraid. Regretful. Tired. Beaten. I smile
wryly. And salute the pain. I must love it for it is me. I cradle myself and
whisper soothing words. Get better. Get better. You can overcome, overbearing
dread. This is out of my control, let there be peace…..I must paint.
Tuesday, 21 August 2018
The Green Man……17/8/18
On the 16/8/18 I went with my partner to The Green Man
Festival in the Brecon Beacons. A music festival set amongst the beautiful
valleys of South Wales, where I would unintentionally be involved in and
experience psychosis induced by the inhalation of Cannabis smoked by the
revellers there…..here is what I wrote of the experience and the consequences
to the mind I am still as yet dealing with….
17/8/18 13:30
I am enjoying the sights and sounds of The Green Man. I have
yet to be confronted with the issues of psychosis…..
“Searchers on the road. Passing by, a glimpse into another
world, not your own. Frequented stripes, visited by the populous. Nothing but others, relative but unnecessary,
real but a figment, we travel and meet searchers on the road. I like them
there, opposed to me but adding to me. Searchers on the road. Love and life.
Experimentation and certain thoughts, some of them aloof. But we all become
searching on the road. “
17/8/18 22:23
I have just inhaled cannabis, smoked by another festive goer……
“The guessing light……Imagining, thinking feeling, playing.
There’s a kid in the corner with two balls of light attached to two strings. (Swinging
the lights into diverse lights - pattern captivating) . He’s in the corner
there. A woman, with long ginger hair is singing, moaning really. There’s a
feeling of disassociation as I stand in the crowd, listening to the moaning
washing over the air. And this kid keeps bringing me back to the guessing
light. And then is gone. Like a part of me left. The moaning stays strong. And
the kid is gone. Where to next?”
17/8/18 22:41
The hit feels good and I’m feeling pretty fucking inspired…thinking
lucidly and experimentally I produce…..
“Everything we think is thinking of a reality of some sort:
Art. Does the tiger know why he has stripes?”
Then:22:54…..
“Precise, dynamic but elusive, he growls his name.”
19/8/18
I have recovered somewhat from the day before. The hit was
sweet and bitter and the come down does not make sense. I feel like I’ve lost a
part of me: My certainty in myself has gone through a tectonic shift. I am no
longer myself. I grasp for some sense of myself but the drugs are quick…..
“Psychotic enough to be ill, but well enough to know I’m
psychotic”
20/8/18 00:03
We have been exposed to cannabis again today. The festival
ends with the burning of the Green Man. A massive effigy of the spirit we
embrace and (should be able to) celebrate at the Festival. It seems the climax
of the event is celebrated by many with a joint……
“I feel a violation of my human rights having to participate
in an identity crisis, psychotic without my permission.”
I turn to Alex:
“I have to go through this so someone can have a joint!”
At this point I feel awful. My thoughts are tight and seem
to get tighter in my mind, leading nowhere but offering frustration and
confusion I want to escape, go through some door to the past me, before the
experience started. But I cannot. There is no exit in the mind. I must endure
and forge a new reality, one filtered, and distorted by the effects of the
drug. We walk back to the tent and I can feel/perceive my mind ceasing up. My
thoughts tight and strange. I feel like I have visited a strange land, where
nothing known before is present. The whole landscape of being which was so self-assuring
is gone and I am presented with an experience of utter psychedelia, “I must
adapt” I think, but the drugs are too strong….I must submit, nae, I must
embrace…..
20/8/18 14:46
Reflecting on an experience, slightly dismorpheous of the
weekend, before the final hit, written about in the paragraph above. We are
watching (rather ironically) a band named: War on Drugs. Im feeling pretty sensitive
and react…..
“On my way to the promised land I discovered the journey is
more so beautiful than the destination”
But this is fleeting moment of peace, was really to be sunk
and engulphed by drug induced confusion.
21/8/18
I have recovered somewhat, some more. But the drugs are
still in my system. I am falling into and out of familiarity, visiting part of
the past me but experiencing effects of the foreign perception:….. the way I see
myself has changed and I need to just ride it out, to be not afraid. To become
what I will become, and to become me – but not me- I must reintegrate and
realign. Surely I will return to myself given time….
“In a labyrinth, meeting only dead ends in my thinking.”
I am still tense. The psychological effects of the drug are
not totally known to me but I must not fear the future but embrace it no matter
what it is.
Saturday, 4 August 2018
Monday, 30 July 2018
Friday, 27 July 2018
Thursday, 26 July 2018
A Text to
Self Before Sleep/ An Aim for Tomorrow
Self-Affirmation
is key to understanding the world. It is key/central to ideas we convey to
ourselves and to others. It is the Truth, the Way and the Answer. I know this
is a parody of religion, but, hey, we have to find our meaning somehow. I live
in the moment. Adding moments, I collect and translate them into meaning for me
and you. We can use this to learn to be ourselves. True and meaningful.
Complete human beings. Truth and Light. Word and Thought. Live and Charged –
Real !
I can say
goodnight now and wake with intention to complete the chores presented
tomorrow, of which I shall cherish. See you at the Hospital, mended.
Today I met
with two friends. They made me think about how lucky I am to have them. We
spoke of perspective and added to our lives, given ideas. We exchanged
sentiments and learned a wee bit about this place in which we live. The tone
was relaxed and reciprocated. I am joyed to have friends like these, secure,
knowing that not everyone does. Am I sentimental? Yes. It’s hard not to be when
we are in company of such people as these. Then home to my love
The
conversation will continue in my work tomorrow which I shall post on here. Wake
well my friends
Wednesday, 25 July 2018
Self
Deception and the Forge…….25/7/18
Fuck this
shit. Im out of here. Why does anyone do anything? Conjecture. Anonymous
posturing and denial. Truth, religion, belief. It all doesn’t matter. What we believe
is what we believe and anything else in between is just an exploration. Nietzsche
writes of truth and religion as a sort of falsity. When the truth is we all
struggle with what we think of as real. We all doubt if we are right or wrong.
With his Will to Power, I think he is trying to chase an impossible dream, to
free one’s self of doubt and pain. The truth, I think I, is that we all
struggle with these things, and whether we find peace in religion or
philosophy, the end result is the same. We find answers. He criticises religion
by saying it is nothing but self-deception. Or does he? : In belief we are
fulfilled. We have hit a quandary. If I will it, does it exist? If I commit to
it, is it not truth? Worship your God, believe in your Father. Or simply be
equal to your Brother. Whatever it is you think, whatever you believe, whatever
brings you meaning, is you and is Truth. Is God real? That is not for me to
say, for who am I to say which life is right or wrong? I cannot. I just believe
my own mind, my own feelings. I myself form the tools I hold, and in making me,
I make you. The way forward is unclear but it is always forming, as we form
ourselves. The Forge is calling….I must return to my studies.
The Forge is
a place of creation. The Forge is a place of sanctuary. The Forge is a place of
recognition, where we see ourselves. Where the self we see is seen by others.
In this
space I step forward into your life with the intention of creating a new
future, one in which the Truth is seen. Where we are ourselves, where we believe
in one another. Beyond this, on the horizon, where the sun sets, in the late
summer I touch the light around me.
In this I attempt
to awaken and stir. I want to prove myself and I want to leave an imprint. I
want to take the hand of my Brother, strongly and gently. Death is inevitable
as is life. Where the future is the only way forward, is the only thing that
cannot be denied. Conjecture and
hypotheses. I look up to the sky and see myself reflected there. I weep for my
non liberated brothers as I reach out to them with the promise of a new road……a
road of trepidation but of truth. We forge our own truth; I just want to hand
you the strength to build it. That is all for now.
I want to
continue, but for no one's benefit but my own. To clarify my intention. I rise to
my feet and meet every new challenge, refreshed by meeting the moment head on.
Stronger because I recognised myself the whole way through it. Stronger because
I did it myself. The “I” I have become grows from a genesis of feathers. Of
blooming beauty. I meet others there, in the moment of real, recognising the
Other and enjoying the perspective brought forth from the place of freedom. We
meet there and smile. The Summer Sun is low in the sky…and I continue to seek
out the meaning only another can bring
I meet the
light you shine, and I see it. I can assure you…..Infinitely echoing through
time. An atom in the Universe. A person in the sea. A wind in the forest. A
truth in the heart and mind. A force of liberation. I live
Friday, 20 July 2018
Thursday, 12 July 2018
Being
Whenever we have a problem we try
to resolve it. My Art explores Schizophrenia and an attempt to understand it,
and attempt to solve the problems it poses. Faces Seen in a Clozapine Dream:
The Good, The Bad and The Schizophrenic. This is human because everyone is a
little schizophrenic. It is a spectrum disorder. In my attempt to understand it
and other people has been the focus of my work. And expressing this has been
the result. I don’t want to talk too much about the negative aspects of being
Schizophrenic, I want to explore myself and other people, spotting similarities
and connecting. The work is an attempt to connect. It is an expression.
Expressing is something we do every day, every minute, and is central to what
it means to be human. It is the link between the internal world and the external
world. It makes us happy; it makes us sad and everything in between. Without expressing,
we would not be meaningful to someone (one’s self, or others). It is central to
Being. Being is huge. In many respects. I am a Being. You are a Being. We are
Being. I try to convey my Being in my Art. And I find this cathartic as well as
hugely satisfying. In my explorations the Being I am has grown and my
understanding of Being has grown also. I have learned how to be me. What I want
to know, the direction in which I am going and what I do not want to know. To
understand what is important to me, what is not, and how to use this pragmatically.
Being me is not easy, but as the old adage goes “Anything worthwhile never
comes easy”. I am worthwhile. The challenges I face make me me and more me.
Being grows….
So the explorations I experience
build, mold, create Art. Which I convey to you. I invite you to become more of
a being through knowing Being in my work. In being interconnected with other Beings. I
express my Being for your assimilation, so you too can Be. I invite you to
explore what is important to you, to know my work and to understand or simply
feel through which you will know something real to you. To react. At the point
of reaction in which you exist I want to bring forward your Being. What is
Being in this sense? Being in this sense is a multitude of things. Some of which
conscious, some of which unconscious. Some of which understandable, some of which
need a little more work. But one would hope, always with a sense of
who-you-are-ness. We go forward knowing ourselves and through interacting with
the things around us, we gain an understanding of ourselves. And what more
unique, what more inspiring than Art? A direct line to someone else’s who-you-are-ness.
Thus I hope to grow. To add relevance to my life and through that engage with
the world of Others more completely and to add to the understanding of the
world around me and to add to my understanding of myself through this process.
I put forward my Art. I birth it into existence. We
share. We know, yet we are ignorant to so much. To know oneself is the only
truth. To which we bring meaning in the
action of Being. Be with Me….Continue, be inspired, and never, ever, give up. I
leave you with a heightened sense of Being
Me and you on a street. I cross the road to speak to
you. You recognize me but do not know who I am. I say hello and you reply. I
never knew you in this sense before. Yet I know you now. I forget so much but I
remember the time we spent as children and how you used to make me laugh. I am
a different person now and the experiences I have had have shaped me. I am
different, but the same as you. I grew in a particular direction and became me
just like your experiences have shaped you. I want to reject knowing the inner
you and concentrate on my own self now. Maybe knowing you will become more
relevant to me one day and we will pick up from where we left off. I gave you
life, you acknowledged it with a smile,
went on your way with a happy sentiment in your heart. That was your
experience. That is what you grew into. That is You.
When I crossed the road I had an aim in mind. To say
hello. But that thought changed from an inclination into a full on experience.
The road became a vehicle to which I attached meaning, and through that meaning
the world made sense. The road now poses a different significance to which you
will attach your own central belief. Experience of this sort becomes the farther
down the road we go. We choose the road, and we choose where to cross. Put some
flowers on the road, why not?
I must return to my studies…..i leave you with an
added sense of direction.
Please enjoy my work ;) x
Wednesday, 11 July 2018
Sunday, 8 July 2018
Saturday, 7 July 2018
Friday, 6 July 2018
Thursday, 5 July 2018
Wednesday, 4 July 2018
Monday, 2 July 2018
Sunday, 1 July 2018
Saturday, 30 June 2018
Friday, 29 June 2018
We aim, we shoot, we miss, we learn
I stand on the plateau looking down on all below
me. Involved in the life time and the most divine. It’s all good. I eat words
like food. And you. You are something else, we become as we grow, because you
are in my life. And that can only be right.
In a world of infinities we are rendered meaningful
by similarities which are themselves fabrications, because we see similarities
in the infinite. These “links”, these similarities are fabrications. We are as
multiplicipal as beings, but we sense. Water may fall, heads may roll, but we
perceive, links, continuation, we feel ourselves in a world of infinite possibility.
A similarity human. Private and known to one, but shared by everyone. We live
our private lives making sense of it where we can. In the infinite we render
meaning by simplification. Conscious animals. “ In a World of chaos where do we
find truth”?
Rising, I get to my feet
Unconscious, spontaneous, animal
Thursday, 28 June 2018
Wednesday, 27 June 2018
Tuesday, 26 June 2018
Sunday, 24 June 2018
Saturday, 23 June 2018
Friday, 22 June 2018
Thursday, 21 June 2018
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